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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a, Q" |9 ~+ ]0 e* b8 l

6 ?) g5 y: D3 w- a& ~( x3 E  bike and asked for forgiveness.+ [2 r# D4 z  g) \4 N
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一& {7 e$ Q. C( B, ?- w

9 m  z. l' k" D0 D! Q6 J! Q  辆然后求上帝宽恕。) U5 T* Z0 p( \3 N! C! Q6 c7 l

5 I( O$ n' E" @7 N  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a' ?' m! Y, d( e7 ~  t
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.% X5 t$ a; K4 N
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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" ~5 |, ^$ v$ _; k) p  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you/ t/ U8 u& I5 {" X, r6 `7 D

9 a" t+ Y6 n# \' z' k  with experience.4 |$ v( S' m# ?/ w$ |( K1 z* s

/ x0 Q: R5 K+ X  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你+ E4 D2 k3 c8 N+ G/ U
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.5 y. ^/ p) c* V
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。6 n4 m2 K4 ~% r7 k

5 X% r- m4 G4 x4 H. Z  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。( J/ V% r/ s  t2 k7 L  Z

' q% K3 @$ S" m& \  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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# q6 j3 G+ w( W% |/ b/ ~  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。( h, Z9 `) w8 A7 V$ J: A1 _
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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6 ?: a1 r- A4 s: [) J7 r1 }2 U  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd. ?' Q* B; \8 ]6 }. [" }: ]4 S% o' |

1 F. n; |6 k0 h* {4 C  D" ^) [  better have a good hand./ }" s* K9 x, ~& l$ J6 C7 j  V% x
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。% O- E# V9 O) Q3 M! g( g

8 h5 Q2 X5 m# T, q4 X  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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/ y( v' y+ }, [" q  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去3 l0 C- l6 R$ }
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  还是很有喜感。# X2 z9 _; }, ^& }4 v# r( w

' A. T2 J6 [, c8 G9 ?7 e; @  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.& J) s$ q6 q. v6 H) h1 C
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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6 E# s) o5 y* J0 o  了!!! b( G' @# [6 I

$ \+ I% o% F! e0 ^  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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) _, e8 p3 ]; q% x' v* \# q8 a  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。& G# }# C0 h/ B. D* m% w$ H+ {& I
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship8 Q% @% G) K1 r: w

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. ~1 _  N4 i! C! q) j  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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/ @' G3 `3 K! c/ z( @  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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1 B( ^- c9 v! r* q5 O7 L- \  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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6 T+ c+ }* z/ t* ]  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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/ q4 d7 c. }5 g5 Y  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio) d/ u5 g- X" F# b7 T# h. u% ?
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  n, make him a sandwich.8 ^# k7 F% O1 A* o) x! I8 q; n  Y/ J

3 h" g! d3 G' w0 ]- |  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!- d& ?( p# k* T3 f) c. C) q
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt' i, `, q$ j# y) V, L2 w' l
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  il you hear them speak.9 i- @- r6 B; V- h

. L7 L( f& B5 ?* F2 B" Q* f  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.; a2 m/ L( G, Y
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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! o$ P" `" ?. \- w) R, X6 I3 o  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.  i' i" F* g0 G8 f: p1 t
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""/ L/ Y7 z7 v5 X- j! x9 ]
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.1 C- \+ k* c, {; b4 y
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...- G* w* L4 y2 ?7 I* c9 P& O

0 @% f6 E5 I4 S# n# |# w) q0 n! C  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to+ x4 @! J! M) x0 |! G& T" I

8 c! X* K9 f4 P" K+ |, X. R+ A  tell you why it isn't./ Y7 V4 L' O, l3 @

6 j6 y: q: F% `4 x  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。. b$ l: {4 J# T' z

, B8 f* j4 [8 p) b8 P  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole! u/ a; H' u2 i

/ i- H7 A( h0 y7 P  box to start a campfire?, O5 R7 |2 B  Y+ J4 `

6 y2 O- P. ^1 s5 P  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!0 U7 `  @2 S5 C% T+ o. F; b

% ]! U5 K& j7 s6 j8 s6 O# z2 R  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科- W! s& h- n: D( }& D

  C7 _" M) c, y  T& m) p  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy( j- f- a9 ~% h7 x: L
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  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?/ `9 F& I/ J3 i5 F

7 }1 b$ `) I& r# n+ I  f, k  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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' A* j! S& N( S( `& n0 M  uit salad.! M$ O( S' o6 m" J
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。1 }) ?" v% C6 @9 w0 V
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个5 P2 ?8 g  s/ _# C1 E2 p. h5 r/ D

! P, I3 f1 A: Q- h$ u& r5 q  篮子。
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0 x9 v+ d/ x' N- |8 z7 j% c  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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$ j; [* c- s" y5 @* s, `  r( e0 Y+ y! L  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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, ~. [" L9 l# x3 Z  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the$ R; q1 o4 T4 q5 v4 n9 K: X' F

1 `/ v- g: n, T# g  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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; O" \! Y& Q) n" i5 f6 M  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。, q" `5 w# ]* ~2 P  h9 Q  Z
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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; C, Y1 K% t: Z/ y9 n0 |! E% R9 ^) j  . On my desk, I have a work station..7 j- u# _( i8 B' I& E
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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3 a) I. [* P5 }" H  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.5 I$ d2 g: k+ i4 m3 c) E# t
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。7 B( g4 V/ p0 @
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  m fish?
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! {* b) P0 l0 g* b: g+ q% y  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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5 S% m4 {7 `  I0 D. p& C  了。
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4 Q$ M+ ~, F4 x' q/ U& s. ^2 p* g  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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7 }7 }1 d, [2 v! i7 U, }  _8 |  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!/ ]5 X6 {5 u- K

: T5 E/ G9 g0 A- o- [5 F* e0 Y  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!0 {8 x9 |3 }) m- E( G* J8 C# w

1 k2 T, g/ B& |" l5 u  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”( _$ b& D! s  [

( H2 p# ~& S) m- r  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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9 S! v/ e8 L2 i9 u' L# s/ B3 w  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-/ }: k. F$ h/ t) @$ x/ h6 r
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  up.& c6 y5 s/ Z8 F( W4 R( t# S. w
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。8 ?3 q8 m$ |0 X2 b

* a, Y5 K1 f7 S& [7 N1 t8 k  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu  u2 D& \/ D  T5 ~. |/ f2 S
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?1 s7 |8 t. J; o7 d/ j
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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/ \7 G) P; E4 K  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.
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, u, a2 O" R8 C, R; c3 `  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。) ]7 u$ [4 P* m+ J

8 O5 M6 Q  o* Z  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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& Q! y1 _; n" H8 i3 b; C  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。# ]2 d( ?6 z. I! v: @% \2 ?
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'8 a7 Z9 {& x" \4 _

  h& w( H! \' i1 Y, U2 |' E( l8 u  t need it.( B% W8 y* I( d" P( e
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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8 Z- ?$ y  ?0 j: p% X  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.  e+ p& M+ j* w% ^1 k4 M& G
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。4 N! y( G1 j7 K! t2 d/ s

1 `/ p1 e5 A% m6 _$ t$ O  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!7 Q0 q6 L/ F" j+ _/ V; d* R
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!. @) S' j8 n1 t$ s! [

, x0 U* ?1 X# I. n! ~' ?  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫1 m1 l/ ]! \; j: p
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.3 I, h9 r4 q/ x! K  ^
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?* j6 t- i( \& r7 o, m( k8 N  ^

; y; b' [& ^( ]& w2 K4 C* s3 d9 w  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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5 T4 N7 y/ N6 p6 W/ N* p% F  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.2 f$ k8 v3 x8 Y: h! }! C
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.; r0 `$ q% l0 W8 D8 M  Z( w( t

+ l- N4 G$ A5 g5 z' d& T, q  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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2 x, g# h9 ~( A% m( [5 Z3 v  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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. Z/ ?% F8 A/ `- t1 o  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等6 u0 r1 ^" b( X: j  H
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) {# _. ~0 }* y2 h  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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- T3 {# a5 h- g& M/ r9 |( l  rls live.  N* l+ k; p2 Q' E+ a2 ?8 x

; V# ~2 w' }  ^; ^" K! U  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!( y9 X1 [6 i! R
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.6 d+ f4 r$ g5 o

9 R6 E# P9 a9 Z: A  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。' `$ N. z3 T% O3 s* T; N+ m2 t: ~
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.; L2 |. e. K- }- k: H

% }# S5 a8 ]( w. ^- M  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.  d. c6 @6 m8 w+ C& p* K) f
# G% a& o# ^2 M4 Z3 W7 D: i& D; x
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨  `; E; ^: _# Y( y7 m! s8 D

7 A0 Y' j! p  f& d, {+ D! [7 g& l% r' [  叫声是一样滴。( h: L7 g) z4 X5 |1 Q) a) }

8 l7 w1 ^# J1 ~3 W+ g/ @  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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) J/ P0 y% a* h; V7 f* N2 {+ k  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。, s! R, y: f" a/ Q4 N
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。+ ^$ c4 E6 z$ U* x" F% N8 b
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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6 L8 q5 i0 }8 k2 s& ?" e' P  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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% n" G% Y5 }6 t7 Y& s  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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, s& k* M; Y$ B" L. Y: v  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?9 p7 `+ U- k% r& j5 y
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!
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- j3 U; K' I8 `& B  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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2 A# S/ a* Q+ }2 ~  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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