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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a5 v) x* L8 I- R8 q

' _  c6 Q4 M$ ]! @  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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, T/ R6 W, }& c  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。4 e' M4 j9 `/ N6 [, w" v
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a% X4 u3 k0 K8 u

+ |; o. _! w* L6 ?3 G  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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- X, m0 E* N8 [# u1 D# k% W  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一$ D8 X! g" P+ Y7 @
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  样死法啊!# X. T: f; j# r5 ~! t3 D
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you, H* a6 F! y* e' @
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  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.) K# u7 B+ z$ h3 n) Z

! R- F8 d* z! v( f; h( |* G  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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+ k# p- Z1 k- B# i/ g8 n2 ]  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!6 Y& l5 l/ d8 e& ]8 l
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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9 P3 D+ |( q; U* c8 \; h! q  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.3 y% I4 E* k. u
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.) r" g1 r- [% \5 f+ I: r, V* U

7 G  f9 u8 d' e5 j, T  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd* E5 A, R+ L% u9 d, F6 ]3 A
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  better have a good hand.# `6 P9 Z$ I0 B+ F- n
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。
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( X8 z, c. [" M* }% L  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去
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  还是很有喜感。9 R) x) j& T: V' Z5 H! ?  ?1 ]
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.2 K/ |4 P' P; u+ z# ]" R

& g; v4 G. D  ]: Y# ~+ l  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏% k0 E/ i5 o& v9 L; f9 j
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  了!!
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  R2 i! c/ Z, B  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!1 t2 z0 i8 i- k! y  P) Z, k

9 v2 d* _1 m" D6 B& O3 S  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。4 c' O! ?3 X# J, Z- w5 D

" n( u2 }! ~; q  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.( U  j+ v- R$ v" M* i  G1 _* j) p" }/ d5 F

2 X2 `0 @! s4 K  Q. Y) q, g' [  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。9 L$ \% k; t7 d5 t2 s& M; _. A

- r$ O( X. ]/ X+ m  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich." O3 T0 ]# k" g3 i; {9 n
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!8 }3 d* z- m& _, U

) G( Y7 o* t. z/ D  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt/ M3 s9 k5 @: j8 \. Y

) u$ I9 ~# ]3 A! _5 w  il you hear them speak.& H8 l" `" t) z6 _

& F* Z3 N9 Y7 w9 h" i+ k$ t  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...4 U) L  q7 ?2 v" ]

, u5 [, p( n# w$ Y5 D% m1 t  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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, o2 d5 p* U3 @) ?) d6 h. t  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。' f' T! j, ?5 U

7 R& U$ Y4 B8 W; ?" p  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.  p8 I0 v! l' g) R$ ?( X% ]( N& g
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。0 R, R4 [5 C7 f, P0 R( k0 |, E. Q
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  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment* [5 m2 n) a/ G+ r

5 \- j+ k+ [) A" o" e  s.
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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& w& R5 f5 U/ V# `. s9 `0 f  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...% d- t- K& N& E* T
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.( I  f/ x. F0 Z! ]) N

: }7 m( p4 I5 R* X7 P5 U5 A  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。  p, {. @" x3 k1 K$ U% K( V  R
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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3 Z+ z5 z3 V8 Z# L  box to start a campfire?" v  B) f3 N& d6 n
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!+ ]% U8 _/ Y! {  s* I% b

  c, B1 ]) |6 ]  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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  s it?
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, r' n* Y5 Q3 ~, W  E  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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+ \. F) U# Z% F% H. L! W0 n  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr$ Z; a, L: |6 Z3 k8 f3 _
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  uit salad.
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* o5 p7 l5 O( Y) {$ V7 c- ^  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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7 O7 H" A6 s$ s# g9 @  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个: ]; }: _: A% B5 N

1 T2 W: P- Z& N' f& |+ X  篮子。
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8 k! [0 {8 ]: \+ d; W( ~  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"* E2 E; ?' m3 I
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.9 O! X7 M9 o- F5 j. X
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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9 A8 w' g5 X2 z  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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/ ?% R7 n( V5 v  same night.3 c6 {9 W0 u+ `  u% f" Y
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian  t3 C9 @& q' S9 g# J" h
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops9 Y: ?& I' F. R5 {; E- M
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…( C% y7 R0 Z* S  D, [* L& Y
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.$ \: ^" T, E/ D$ H% V

( P, _/ p2 X! r( K  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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" U& r6 [2 p: D  m fish?7 Y! q# q  |+ _& N
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。; @6 h1 b' s# z% `
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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, x) d9 i5 `& c: z. p: A  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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- S, t6 M- X7 K8 F  u  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan+ O3 R/ J* ^# H- _+ P4 T" m
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  ts?"
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! w/ V( {  `7 w! n  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”: H4 W; y' E  b' L0 k+ v5 i) Q

+ V& r4 ^0 P" b4 q$ F- p  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk: `+ ~: t$ Q! V6 c! h  s

" a! i6 @, W8 Y( ~3 K  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.* p0 a/ o7 m- w1 a* y
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。2 ]" X$ }5 e2 S* U+ X6 y' m
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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) q5 E3 D+ t  h, v" \  l doubt.
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3 Z7 {% Y( C8 @6 K4 A7 N& w  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。" x: w/ F6 z, _; ?9 e) L5 {

% B  p, _2 ]% G7 _1 H  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。1 a  A! V8 A  B7 D

" w1 G5 m- f+ n5 a+ g; }$ T  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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% W9 }  {  B, F0 J  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。/ h" a6 d0 r3 W: k/ ?6 M- K
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'4 |% z0 P* n: C9 R$ L
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  t need it.: s5 m, Y# j+ T' M5 _8 C: ?
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.* r; C7 S. R# q+ T9 K
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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# g' c1 r; o4 _  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。+ V4 A1 x: s4 J, N. U

- B! ]& P" y* f  x0 S6 K) _. T  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!+ e$ o* D; G1 V" X! B
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫. @) @. q6 A+ v8 L7 b; W1 @

1 u% g* d- w# L9 d8 G$ ]' G  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.- J& j% F, f  H5 ^' c: y
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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4 ]' k. f, i* b" h  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”  b) z3 @) t9 r" V( K

/ {  w$ `" U3 V) `$ I# [  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。/ k1 w7 `% c$ ]6 O! e' d# a
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.4 g% }" p' D  b/ D2 M. h0 B
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  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装# m+ E! F0 Z& |- d; |
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.8 R: u1 Y0 ]+ {8 k, [9 S) E

; E5 t& Q( h0 C  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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- H5 y6 W1 F' ?' }7 y  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.& ^5 A  L; i0 N4 i% {

: F: k7 v. p6 x/ Q- O- n  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等1 e1 {+ c, o) |8 b8 Q! s" {1 M
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6 `9 U) A, d1 n" A# x- T% d9 E7 H  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.8 g' H+ Y4 T, T7 {& x: t

* t/ b7 r9 L- G  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。; F; F3 V+ |3 u- q
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi& u. ]( @7 p) z* I  W' {3 d

4 V" X2 H4 ^' P8 d% o  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear9 y7 Q7 R" H+ j. ?1 Q
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。! s$ T4 w/ g' W9 @/ n% b" A% a% P; P
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。. w" z+ ^# Z8 @7 Q2 f7 l
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.8 o& U7 P+ h+ l

1 o. X. K+ e5 q9 C. A4 s/ X4 ^; I2 z  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.7 r4 a$ j% N- v+ r) ]
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
. W- a2 l8 ], H" O* W+ g" E) i: a2 n  O6 \6 Y
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
8 Z: ~7 U8 [7 M8 l) y2 Y8 {$ I5 g6 b( L1 v& x, E% t3 I
  叫声是一样滴。' l& l7 X' d" B

. ^3 w  c1 \' L9 b1 h7 y+ i, ^& s  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.. S* b! K; T5 L$ Z5 K# Z
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。6 l1 ^+ Z6 z: j
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。. V( c( M. U  b+ ^5 D2 s
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.0 f: V" ^7 D: k; L. {  \. ^8 M. Z) f

9 D, q6 }2 W* O# U4 K  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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1 p5 b- V" L& D9 ~4 ?: Q  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc5 S& p% _( V2 t2 @" M" W0 v
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  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?5 _5 |5 o8 C* L0 ]8 @! P) s
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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  么忙?!0 `% N" a1 y7 }& u7 w' N* o
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.! w! v& {" k' S% W0 @$ t& N) s

/ v- n; f" n2 W: Q% g% y3 _  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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