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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a7 H  E/ J, [1 P6 L; Q. U
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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1 t* V8 Z* a  Q$ v  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一1 l( D# M8 f* J) A  v& h

, P+ u9 ^8 E. `6 x- ]  辆然后求上帝宽恕。' e* Q" R7 v* V* e
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a  n0 d. {! N+ }! c6 U8 d4 v

. d1 ?9 M, ?- ?4 o, I9 T  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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9 J) Q( n) J. e" a8 g7 c& ^' z  样死法啊!
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) }4 q% ]; A3 ]7 @6 d( p  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience." ?. P/ s8 E9 R0 H7 H3 S
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.5 ?! ]7 \, k2 o9 \
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。+ k/ N: m: L9 k
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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6 |( ^* U$ A* i  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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. P+ V4 j9 W, k% ~* I6 c6 X. g  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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7 N2 _, Q! U- U) Y' m3 @  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!8 o/ C. o. \) t8 X5 d
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。7 v7 u0 F& G9 Y2 X2 u; _0 a

- @: R) l5 @& e# _' Y4 S$ U' y  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.+ M" g  a( v* s" o* K8 K+ L+ R

3 G) `$ U' C) \" x% M) X  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.& P/ j2 C1 \" S# z% \

- G' E* i* a: u+ w  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd" W* K  |, W' D' n

0 O: Z6 }/ `4 C0 p, r8 Y  better have a good hand.. s( p8 X* Z# E$ M2 P

* z4 C* n1 P0 I& ^  h  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。) D% \4 h$ i6 O$ t2 G

1 m; Z  g9 B# O4 y  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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: t6 Y9 z  |9 _3 |2 L  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去4 }) o6 u9 z% Z$ h% R5 `) R

0 K9 X# B2 V! s  还是很有喜感。# x9 H8 l# F, X* g$ G- c, W' i0 p( u
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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2 w. o9 p5 l. u* O) {/ j  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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. X0 F( W* v+ H2 S/ ?  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!
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1 }2 R# A" |5 W! h7 k# u4 j" z  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship; H, _* |% u; W
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  .
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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6 K3 c2 c* z; R0 G& M  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。$ F% M* w% n* Y: z

% A& t1 A2 Y- N# z% h  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio/ t& }# m; Z8 E  I9 @0 p# P2 S
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  n, make him a sandwich.) L8 M  G! x6 z+ m6 l7 X: o$ J

; k  Y! b3 A7 ]' X  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!: N& u1 S- S2 O1 n
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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2 o1 Y% W& f7 e( W9 E0 O0 m" b: r  il you hear them speak.* n; L4 {* m" f, L

0 m% h( B' V# f7 J& `: n) `9 u  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B..., A0 p) @1 O1 i% a/ V( ?
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." i' e- z  K3 o4 Z' R

% U* i4 K& p/ g4 U' K/ R# i  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。4 I, S; G8 q/ K/ |8 J! [

1 X% w8 l8 J* M, n* u  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.3 ~; F  x2 Q! E5 d, P
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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: T( K" G/ A+ k5 l- s  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment3 x4 d6 _' K' M/ O% l3 n$ L
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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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1 r7 L& }7 j0 N  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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" P  C2 T$ k+ n6 l! D2 r( L, O  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...9 J3 c: W7 ^, k* E3 J

2 m1 k% e1 p" |8 i% J$ Y1 b3 }$ R4 g  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to' {. V: E! |) f, u% }8 `/ {) b1 i

6 p$ U/ _) c3 u: N, F8 r3 Q  tell you why it isn't.
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! F$ L2 X' D* I; R& q. n' J1 H/ `' [  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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! B$ W" u3 P/ d! r  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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  box to start a campfire?! ]1 g+ c9 R, m. G! t

! ]! A9 r& `. i# Q  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!, [$ f( M. m' p3 Q( I
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科3 i8 L( ]. J( U! g4 T

7 @6 \# C6 _) y  ]8 H! E, D  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy* k0 H# v2 {  i: h! [: ^
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?5 A: y6 z. R0 {
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr4 M; |1 j4 s" y! W

- _. A5 i& p: {  uit salad.2 t; \( ]- k8 V" \+ O8 H+ e; v
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。/ M0 I$ f! u& r# A8 s/ k3 q  `# h# @
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。8 O; o6 P6 {! p" u3 I' Z
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!' n6 k- u7 \. b- ?9 L+ {
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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; P. N, s$ w9 Q( z2 _1 X  same night.0 j/ O5 F; t% P
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。! j) y6 M' l; H( I) i5 X3 d
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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0 \7 K* V  E8 x) t+ T3 V0 L  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops9 W7 A/ n% a: P; z) H

& k# d. q* L! i1 T6 W+ o$ o% V. S/ w  . On my desk, I have a work station..6 G& L; e  q7 A- e5 J  w
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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2 Y0 M9 \1 l7 B8 k# j7 m9 W; X  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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. {. d; _2 Q% L' u: c  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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6 _3 o% d! [0 |; {% n  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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8 A, d0 X5 @0 s6 S  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the- i5 s: k& Q1 J/ {8 Q
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  m fish?
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" l" F; m1 P3 j& N  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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9 D% l# v. J6 h1 c  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!/ w; U& f  H* z* M$ x# u
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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0 m: @$ @$ `2 @( h+ `6 r( x1 B: E  ts?"# _; P' M* w- y1 ?8 \. ]
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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7 k. p+ K4 h1 F( ^6 J6 R! _, V  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.
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1 W3 x8 _: y# U7 V/ B  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。: J" e$ Z# O5 `. |3 m; w8 V: Y+ e

% ~+ l  _9 A' V  j: z* B: L9 |  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu8 t4 n" ^6 {/ ]/ q- }  [. D

* g5 M1 g' S% }  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al
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  l doubt.: q' s3 y2 I5 O
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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2 u9 p; _1 E% g  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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9 A% D. F' N& H$ e7 V( C6 r  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。" ~: K5 k" i: V6 h8 o6 u: D) Q
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.  \' V+ _0 u7 L8 H
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方( d: t/ [5 K  R

) H, L6 V4 ^' t# M  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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0 S( I2 Q4 ]; [0 q' {  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。) W0 _2 s! b/ [5 A6 O7 C& q
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。- d! o- e+ b9 y6 g. ]
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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. t8 ?8 e: z1 f# D  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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) [8 Q( A, n2 b$ S7 E  N% K; ^  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  N) U; p( y% J& @  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory., s1 }( j: {! w/ z2 V1 ?2 u& P+ c/ |- h4 i
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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9 b. O& ]! K. J3 g8 r  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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; n) L# q% d1 m5 e! f  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装7 O) k4 [9 \9 i9 o- e

0 |) L& q0 L$ n  i! `" H% {# q7 Y  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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  D, B- J( G0 K" D8 t) Z2 Q  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with  u" E3 Z( R3 }1 _$ p, }

) j! p0 ?7 u& F0 V  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.# i! l8 i7 `! v) G- T: y0 T
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.7 j1 g+ i$ M# p0 u! \

$ R: {& x+ t3 z1 d% U  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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3 I( h& V4 o& b) b9 i4 W  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi( ^) g  h: [1 _8 v. }; U

, S# p. ^  w  s2 e( }+ T9 a' \$ `/ B  rls live.* L' h! a) n' m* E  E8 z

6 {3 u( w1 f" I( T1 L  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear% a/ Q! F" J+ h6 j% i

* r7 a) N! Y5 [/ a  ch.
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。& |' _! A* G! z6 w
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.6 M6 N: E& v, C5 d# Z
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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/ M7 B% g$ C6 M. q) w; Y0 S0 a# f2 j& ]. H  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a7 _& [2 P! r4 L6 n6 ~+ @
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.  U0 u& Z% U) v, Q2 ^6 F

8 u# z. A- I( d$ u. r5 W  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。
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1 _* I9 r6 h# F( ?  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.4 C9 G# o& Y( T4 U
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!0 Y' u( N8 w  J

4 Q+ E9 x# O" |2 N  f2 V  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
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9 S2 x, i  I. m0 I  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什# t3 ~) ?+ \) I8 @1 {" Y$ z
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  么忙?!
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# I$ K3 Q. Q3 J/ v6 H! u  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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